A Painting a day...

I am proud to say I did quite a bit of writing last week! I don’t usually have time to because I work full time but I made the most out of the Easter holiday. I started reviewing shows at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival and you can read my reviews of Jennifer Wong’s show and Ronny Chieng’s show on artshub. I’ve also got a review of Liberal Arts pending. For fun (and to keep myself writing), I’m thinking about reviewing the new Justin Timberblake album. It's a very interesting album and I'm still undecided about it. Have you guys listened to it?

I met up with my friend Susie and she told me she’s going to write 1000 words a day. She suggested I do the same with my painting, which I think is an excellent idea. I’ve been feeling a bit down about my painting abilities this week, only because I suck at painting food! Like I mentioned in my previous post, I really want to create an illustrated dessert cookbook and the food I painted just isn't turning out right. I know I just need to keep persevering with it. I spoke with my partner's sister who is an art teacher and she gave me some handy tips so I'm gonna incorporate that into my paintings. Susie suggested I go suss out the NGV for some inspiration, which is a great idea.

I was telling a few people about the dessert cookbook idea and I’ve been told by two people to look at Dawn Tan’s art. I did a browse today and I just love of her work! Her paintings are so fun and colourful with an endearing quality to it. Dawn's art is a great example of how art doesn't always need to look real.

I was also reading a blog post from Pikaland about how there are ways for us to make money so we pay our bills AND do our creative projects. It's just a matter of not wasting your time and doing it. If you're spending your time whining about having no time to 'create' while watching reruns of Big Bang Theory (which was what I was doing last year), then you really need to assess how to use your time more effectively.

Anyway, I felt pretty inspired by those two blogs so I painted a portrait of a goofy Great Dane. I'm very pleased with how it turned out!

Do a lot of work

Last week’s been a really good week for me, creative productivity-wise. I haven't reviewed anything in months so I'm proud to say I've submitted a review for Liberal Arts to arts hub. I’ve avoided writing reviews for performance shows because the turn around is crazy and I work full time, so there’s very little time to write a good review. When DVD reviews were up for grabs, I dived for them. It was hard starting them but once I started to concentrate more, everything flowed really well, which I'm pleased about. Watch out for my review of Liberal Arts soon! 

I've also just locked off the script to my first short film! I revisited it tonight after a 2-month break from it. I've made some changes, which I think makes it stronger. I’ve started contacting a few people who I’ve had in mind for certain roles and hopefully that will get things rolling. I’m still unsure if I should get a producer or not. Some people say yes, some say no. I guess I’ll just have to see how I go. I'll definitely need a production manager though.

A few weeks ago I made some amazing little cupcakes for my friend Al's 30th birthday party and I wanted to write a blog post about the recipes. This is what they look like. I was pretty freaking proud of how they turned out:

Then I had this great idea: Why don't I illustrate the cupcakes instead of taking photos of them? Then it lead to an even bigger idea: I should totes make a dessert cookbook featuring illustrations instead of photos. I started painting food this week and I've realised food is really damn hard to paint in watercolour!

Either you create something washed out like this:

Or you oversimplify to this:

I obviously feel really disappointed that I can't paint food very well. I guess I’m still trying to figure out my “style”. Once I know this, it will dictate how this cookbook will turn out. My problem is I try too hard trying to paint things realistically. I always have to remind myself it’s OK if something doesn’t look real. Somethings are more endearing when they look a little different.

Speaking of food painting, I found Heegyum Kim’s blog yesterday. She illustrates her recipes and the food she eats. It’s absolutely stunning and I’m studying some of her work to see how she does it. She doesn’t fixate of realism, but has fun with the colours and shapes. While I don’t think my painting style is like hers, it’s a great point of reference for me. I haven’t found many food illustrators so if you do know of any, please share in the comments!

I also found this quote from Ira Glass on Heegyum’s blog that I want to share with y’all. I guess it’s a reminder of whatever artform you pursue, it’s all about practicing a lot and learning through doing. I think TV and film have created this idea that if you are gifted, you don’t need to train. This quote by Ira Glass is great because it shows you just how much effort goes into perfecting your chosen art form. Think about our most esteemed athletes and musicians: they do so much training to perfect their talents. It’s a great reminder for those days when I feel dejected because I’m not drawing/writing/painting at the level I want to.

Grow Up

I'm a bit of a late bloomer. I'm always the last one to reach certain milestones like get a full-time job and my driver's license. At the ripe age of 23, I am pleased to say I will be moving out of my safe cocoon next month to venture the world of adulthood. Hello responsibility and independence – we're gonna be great friends!

It was a bit sad telling my parents I was going to move out of home. Since we have no extended family in Australia, my parents (or actually, my mum) cling on to us, not wanting to let go. It was even harder telling them I was going to move in with my partner. My parents are rather traditional. Mum wretchedly stressed I wasn't married and no one in our family ever slept in the same bed with their partners outside of wedlock. Dad just accepted it was something I needed to do. Either way, they're just going to have to accept it.

I'll be moving in with Liam's housemates as well. I think it's a good idea to move in with people I know well-ish, but not too well that it could ruin friendships. I'm also just really excited about living with Liam. We've been talking about getting a place together but neither of us are financially well off enough to even rent a place for just us two. This is a nice compromise. We've found a local bar that we really like called Long Play (they do excellent Bloody Marys). I hope Long Play becomes our Maclaren's. I guess you can call this "taking our relationship to the next level". It's very exciting and a little bit scary, but in a good way. Most of all, I'm looking forward to waking up with him next to me every morning. I know: SAAA CORNY.



How was your moving-out-of-home experience?

Clarity + Watercolour Painting

For the past few years I’ve been freaking out a lot about where my life is heading and what I really want to get out of it. I was constantly comparing my lack of success with other people’s successes (I still do) and my life got stuck in a rut.

This year I feel more clarity. I still don’t know where my life is headed and I still feel bouts of disappointment when I think about what I haven’t achieved. However, this time, I don’t spend weeks analyzing my lack of success until I burst into tears, which, I hope, is a good thing and not just a way of ignoring my issues by sticking my head in the ground.

One of the main things helping me feel more comfortable with where my life is going is just doing more things. Maybe I’m just distracting myself from the real issues. This year alone I’ve read about 8 books (I read no books last year!), took up painting, listened to more new music and I’m starting pre-production with my film. They’re all small, insignificant activities but they’re keeping me positive. As for work, I’m slowly being forced into social situations, which is good for developing my “people” skills. I still have days where I just can’t be bothered making an effort, but it is becoming easier to pull myself out of those moods.

One thing I want to do more of is write and showing people my work, no matter how bad it is. I have low confidence and I’m always horrified about showing people my stuff in case they hate it, but criticism is good for improving skills. So, I’m going to write more, share more and plug myself a bit more from now on.

To start this process, I’m going to share with you some of the paintings I’ve been doing. They’re not amazing, they’re really just to help me with my painting skills. I’ll be taking a course in water colour painting in three weeks and I hope I learn heaps there!

This is the first watercolour painting I did. I didn't use the proper paper because I didn't want to waste the paper I bought on my first painting. It's a bit rough and I had a hard time mixing the paints. I was so used to using acrylics that I was rather rough with my application.

This is probably my favourite paiting to date. It turned out pretty well, although I think a lot of it was just a fluke! Here's the original image.

 I wanted to try something a bit different so I painted these tree frog embryos. They didn't turn out the way I wanted but it was still a bit of fun. You can see the original image here.

I painted this one today. I'm not very happy with it because the sky looks so boring, but the more I look at it, the more I think it's not as bad as I think it is. Here's the original image.

Catching Up + Scone Recipe

I hope everyone had a great holiday break! I go back to work tomorrow, which I am sad about. A few days off is just not enough but oh well, what can you do. I spent Christmas day with my dad and brother. We never make a big deal out of it so it was just like any other day off, except I did lots of cooking and ate so much. I baked scones in the morning (recipe below) and made a roast.

I spent Christmas day catching up on Gossip Girl. I started watching the show back in 2008 and my, how things have changed. The show grew more over the top with each season and I stuck by it out of loyalty even though it sometimes got incredibly tiring, especially all of Blair’s antics. I’m glad I did and I’m glad it has ended. I now need to find a new show. Any recommendations? And no, I don’t want to watch Vampire Diaries, no matter how “good” it’s supposed to be. I just refuse.

House sitting has been going well. I’ve had to come back home a few times so it hasn’t really felt like I’ve been living out of home for two weeks. The cats are lovely; Bear is really warming up to me. He even climbed into bed with me one morning and proceeded to purr like a snotty child. I found a local pub that does trivia on Tuesdays and Sundays so I’m pretty excited about this. The local Savers has proven to be quite fruitful: I found a very 80s floral dress that has been helpfully altered to suit my short legs. I might head back there this week to look for some more things. I need more summer dresses.

Mum had her surgery this morning. She’s had to remove all of her reproductive organs. We skyped for a bit after her surgery, even though she was incredibly tired. My uncle had to hold the ipad horizontally so we could see her. It was a bit freaky: she had all these tubes coming out of her nose and she wasn’t allowed to lie on a pillow. Nonetheless, everything seems to have gone very smoothly. We’ll contact her later tonight. My uncle and aunt are in the hospital to look after her so that’s good. My uncle took a photo of her reproductive organs. They were rolled up into a ball and perched on top of a yellow biohazard bin lid. Her bits looked like a pig’s heart.

It’s been a slightly sombre holiday period but I’m trying to be positive. I’ve been reading a lot this month, thanks to an awesome Christmas gift from Liam. He got me a kindle and he loaded it with Agatha Christie novels and Harry Potter. It’s been great because I’ve noticed I’ve been watching less TV and reading much more. I want to keep this up.

I mentioned earlier I made scones for Christmas. I’ve never properly made scones before. I remember in primary school, we made them at camp and they were hard and gross. In high school, we made pinwheel scones, loaded with tomato paste and cheese. However, I’ve never made the classic scone. I found a recipe online and tweaked it very slightly. It’s very easy so do try it out.

Scones
adapted from Janelle Bloom’s recipe on the Ready Steady Cook Website.
Makes 6 - 8

Ingredients:
2 cups of self-raising flour
200 ml of cream
150 ml of milk
1 dash of lemon juice
Plain flour, for dusting
Whipped cream and jam, to serve

Method:
1. Preheat your oven to 200ºC (I use a fan force oven)
2. Stir lemon juice into milk
3. Sift flour into a large bowl and add milk mixture and cream. Use hands to combine mixture. Do not over mix.
4. Spread dough onto floured surface. Make sure the dough is of 4cm thickness
5. Cut out the dough using a cookie cutter and place on a tray lined with baking paper
6. Put the scones in the oven for 12 - 15 minutes
7. Enjoy with whipped cream, jam and a cup of tea

My Notes:

- The scones came out really well. They were very fluffy and perfect.
- My friend, whose grandmother made scones for soldiers in WW2, told me you need to use milk that’s been curdled. Adding a dash of lemon juice to the milk does the trick and they turned out great!
- Don’t over mix the dough. My dough mixture was sticky but not wet. I think that’s a good consistency.

What did you get up to these holidays?

Today's Thoughts

I've been house sitting for two days and it's been interesting. Today is the first day where I'm spending a lot of time by myself, which is nice. The cats have been lovely. Bella is a really sweet cat. She's not as cute as Bear but she's super affectionate and when you call her she knows her name! Bear is a bit more reserved, which is a shame because I just want to cuddle him and rub his big belly. Bella likes to cuddle and head butt affectionately.

I'm really enjoying this area of Brunswick and this house. It's not a big house but it's cozy and the rooms have amazing light so you can just sit by the window and do lots of writing or internet-ing. It's also really close to Sydney Rd so I get a good pick of places to eat at. I'd like to do more cooking, but since I'm not here for very long, it seems kind of wasteful to buy groceries. Ever since the awful incident with Jill Meagher, my friends are overly cautious about me walking around in Sydney Rd at night. After meeting up with my friends for dinner, they wanted me to text them when I got home to make sure I was safe. It's very sweet of them, and you know, I'd probably do the same thing if the situation was switched around. However, I believe violence against women mostly occur at home and are committed by people known to the victim. We should be telling the abusers not to assault and rape people, not tell women to be extra cautious. No matter how much I tell myself to be fearless and behave the way I normally do, I feel myself growing more paranoid. When it's dark, I walk home with my keys between my fingers and I make sure I'm holding my bag and not carrying in my shoulder so it's harder for people to yank me backwards from behind. I'm disappointed in myself for doing this. I guess I just like to be prepared.


Anyway, I hope I get to do some productive stuff this weekend. I was going to go for a run, but as usual, I've let myself down. I want to write something today and post it on hitrecord. I have a vague idea bubbling inside but I hope I can execute it well. I also want to head outside for a bit. I need to buy some shampoo and maybe a soft cheese. I found some DVDs. One of them is a Werner Herzog DVD, which could be very interesting. I saw his film Grizzly Man for my documentary course. It's about a man who was really into bears and one day while camping, a bear ate him and his partner. His camera, even though it had its lens cap on, was rolling while the bear attacked him so there's audio of him and his partner being eaten by a bear somewhere. It's a really interesting documentary. I also found the complete boxset of Buffy. I've always wanted to get into that show but never did because it took forever to download. I'd like to watch it but I just know if I start watching it, I will not leave the house for a few days.

Last night, the film Death on the Nile was on TV. It's like a who-dunnit type of film. Some rich heiress is murdered and everyone is a suspect. Legendary detective Hercule Poirot solves the murder and all is good. I was too tired to watch the whole film so I read the synopsis. It reminded be of the Kindaichi Case Files, which is a manga about a young detective and his friend/possible love interest who get into situations that force them to solve murders. It's actually fucking awesome. If that's what many of Agatha Christie novels are like, I'm so keen to read them.

What's everyone up to this weekend?

My weirdly positive outlook on the upcoming week

 I think these few weeks will be interesting, and a little exciting.

Mum left for China yesterday and she'll be there for about two months. She will be undergoing urgent surgery and she'll have two months to recover from it. I hope everything goes smoothly. I really want to send my dad to China to be with her but we'll just have to see what his work schedule is like. I'm more than happy to pay for the airfare. It would be nice.

Anyway, it's up to me to fulfill her domestic roles, but on Thursday I'll be house sitting! It will be interesting to see how my brother and father cope without someone cooking for them. Actually, my dad can cope just fine; it's mostly my brother I'm concerned about. The extent of his cooking skills is limited to boiling frankfurters and making instant noodles over the stove. I got him a book full of really easy recipes to ease into this period. I hope he uses it!

Anyway, I am super excited about house sitting:

- I get to experience what it's like to live alone. I went to Sydney in June and lived by myself for a week without internet or TV and it drove me crazy. There were days where I just sat on the couch wanting to get out of the house but unable to muster the energy to do anything. I'd skip meals because it was too much hassle to look for food (the kitchen didn't have any cooking utensils for me to make meals at home). This time around I'll have TV and wifi, plus I know the area so I'm looking forward to it. I think what went wrong in Sydney (aside from the "no tv and wifi" drama) was I didn't know anyone and there was no real opportunity for me to meet anyone.

- Cats. I am a dog person but that doesn't mean I have an arbitrary disdain for felines. I think cats are cool too; you just can't make them love you through enthusiasm. The person I'm house sitting for has two cats. One of them is a british blue cat (think the "I has cheeseburger" cat). I met him today and he's this gorgeous fat cat who is terrified of people so he hides under beds. He's the biggest scaredy cat! How cute is that? There's also another cat that has a pointier face who I like to think of as a fierce independent female. She marches about the house because she owns the joint and starts fights with the other cats. She don't need no loving but you gotta earn her love. Yeah.

- I get to sleep in during the week. I'll be so much closer to work, which means no more leaving the house at 7:45am just to get to work by 9am. This means I will come to work in a calmer frame of mind because I'm not freaking out about leaving the house too late.

All in all, I hope this whole experience just helps me feel better as a person and as a "creative". I'd really like to do heaps more writing (my problem is I don't know what to write about), start pre-production with my script and fiddle with stop motion. I read a blog post on The Accidental Creative about how it's really good for us to "create" unnecessarily. I think that's really interesting. For me, creating is easier when I'm restricted, but then again, this is a really good way to hone your skills. Anyway, I think I just need a change of scenery and I feel really positive about this! I thought my TV ban would help me focus better, but it didn't really. I just went to bed before 12am, which does count for something.

I've also started doing exercise this week. I went for a run on Monday. Not for very long though because I haven't exercised since I started working full time. It was really hard trying to run Monday, Wednesday and Fridays because it's so hard to wake up in the mornings. I didn't end up doing it on Wednesday and Friday. However, I went for a run yesterday and today and that went quite well, so I'm going to make it Saturday, Sunday and Monday. I just hope it's sustainable! I'd ideally like to go for a run in the mornings, do some writing and then go to work, but one step at a time!

Anyway, enough from me. Hope everyone has a great week!

I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy

Sometimes not sleeping enough really affects how the rest of my day turns out. A seemingly manageable dilemma can become very stressful. I got very little sleep the other night and yesterday morning I was so tired I could barely open my eyes. I felt nauseous and close to tears.

I work in a job where good customer service is a really important. I really strive to make sure every single customer has their issues sorted out immediately. This can become very demanding but when I'm in the right frame of mind, I can do it well. I try really hard to make sure everyone gets what they want or at least a very agreeable alternative, but not every situation turns out like that.

There have been three times in my working life where a customer has reduced me to tears. The first time was when I was working in retail and this woman was being very unreasonable and demanding and I had to get security to drag her out of the store because I felt very threatened. The second time, I had to deal with a very aggressive customer over the phone. That affected me so much I was semi-hyperventilating. The third incident was yesterday.

I had a really angry customer call me yesterday morning. I could understand why he was angry and I was doing my best to help him and explain what was happening but he just became more and more frustrated. It got to the point where I was starting to take his words personally and I too, was becoming frustrated. We ended the conversation on reasonable terms but I felt like I had been in a battle; I was trembling all over. When I hung up the phone, I bolted to the bathroom to cry.

I'm not a very assertive or confident person and when I am confronted in these situations I crumble. When I'm angry, I've conditioned myself not to scream and shout. I end up internalising it and it leaks out as tears. I'm getting better at managing these situations (I didn't hyperventilate this time). I understand I need to learn how to not take it so personally. I'm really trying my best to problem solve as efficiently and as fairly as I can.

However, sometimes I feel, as consumers, we don't realise people working in customer service are just doing their jobs and most of them are really trying to help us the best they can. We get so caught up with our own demands we forget we are talking to someone real. Some people take the whole "the customer is always right" mentality too seriously and assume they are entitled to be dicks to people serving them. We don't realise our words can really hurt someone. Imagine having the power to ruin someone's day, make them dread going to work the next day and remember this very incident for the next few years, if not for the rest of their working lives. I don't ever want to be responsible for that.

I'm not saying all people are angry and threatening. In fact the majority of people I deal with have been reasonable. Sometimes the customer has every right to be angry. However, sometimes I think they are so angry they want unleash their anger on the person working in customer service. When it gets to this point, it's becomes a matter of power. If someone in customer service spoke back to angry customers in the same tone, they would get in a lot of trouble. We need to be more considerate of how we voice complaints and how we speak to people in customer service. They, at the end of the day, are just trying to help you solve your problem. 

What are your thoughts?

Having a phat chat with my blog

I’ve been fairly absent on this blog. When I do blog, they’re half-arsed posts with no significance. When I publish them, I just want to remove them straight away because I’m embarrassed by the lack of effort I’ve put into the post and the terrible quality of my photos. I think the only post I’m remotely proud of is the last one, and that’s because I really liked how the photos turned out and I had so much fun grading the colours. However, content-wise, it feels a bit vapid.

I’ve started volunteering my reviewing “skillz” to artsHub this year. I had lots of fun at first, but I became so daunted by my opinion being “wrong” (which is silly because opinions are supposed to be neither right or wrong) or my writing style is crap that I started writing less and less, which has extended to blogging less as well. I think it’s just been a mixture of very low confidence in my skills, fluctuating emotions due to many quarter century crises, intense self-deprecation and the inability to find inspiration.

I’ve recently started reading singer/songwriter Rose Wintergreen’s blog. It’s chock full of great tips on how to improve general web presence and how to inspire creativity and productivity, and contains personal insights on her creative process. I feel so much better after reading her blog; I feel more motivated about writing in general.

One of her blog posts mentioned how knowing why we are blogging can help us stay motivated and focused. She asked us to answer three questions about our blogs: Why do we want to blog? What do we write about and who are we blogging for?

I thought this would be a good exercise for me to put all this stuff in perspective, give me and my blog a bit of direction. Here goes:

Why do I blog?

I blog to help me improve my writing and photography. I’d also like to be a part of the online blogging community and make some blogging friends.

What do I write about?
I want to write reviews of films, TV, music and food with a good measure of reflection on the creative process, my life and share travel stories. I’d like to eventually extend this to opinion pieces about topical issues.

Who do I write for?

This one is tricky. I write for myself but also for people who might be interested in the topics I’m interested in such as film, TV, food, music and creativity.

I'm sure my answers to these questions will change next month, but at the moment, I think I'm in a good space.

How do you stay focused with your blog? 

Photo blog: red velvet cupcakes + herb garden

Momo chilling out after a haircut and bath.

Today has been a decent day. I went to yum cha with my mum, had a good chat with her about moving out, my career prospects and traveling. I've told her I'm pretty keen to go traveling for six months and just be a bit more independent. I just need some change and do some really pretentious activities like "work on myself". Places I've been thinking about going to include San Fransisco, New York, Hong Kong and Singapore, but nothing is definite. I'm not sure if I should go alone or go with people.

I will be house sitting in December, which I am very excited about. My old tutor from uni is going away for the Christmas holidays so I'll be looking after his house. I'm actually just really excited about looking after his cat. He's such a cutie! He's the same breed as the I Has Cheeseburger cat. This will be a good opportunity to taste test the whole "living alone" thing, albeit a bit more comfortably than most "living alone" situations.

My herbs, photosynthesising. They've been doing really well! I made salad with mint and basil from the garden the other day. It was very exciting. The coriander is still quite "young" so I'm waiting for them to bloom a bit more before I start using it.

 I made a batch of red velvet cupcakes today. They turned out all right, although can I just say icing cupcakes takes some serious skill! I would have liked them to be a little redder. I'm thinking next time I make this, I might actually use beetroot juice instead of milk, or do half milk half beetroot juice. I read on wikipedia red velvet cake was sometimes made using beetroot juice, which enhanced its red colour. My vegan friend says vegan chocolate cake sometimes has beetroot juice, which makes it very moist.

I used the recipe from taste.com.au because it didn't require a mixer. I also halved the frosting mixture and used apple cider vinegar instead of white vinegar because I didn't have any vinegar at home.

Rustic icing on cupcakes! I think it might be because I didn't beat the cream cheese frosting enough. On a different note, I'm looking forward to the public holiday on Tuesday! I don't have anything planned yet, but just the thought of sleeping in makes me happy.

What plans do you have this week?

A slightly sad segue into stop motion experimentation

It’s been ages since I’ve posted anything. Honestly, I don’t really know what my blog is and I constantly feel apprehensive about what I post because I have so much self-doubt and anxiety at the moment. I feel like I’m going through “something” and I get very down. But I also feel like these thoughts and feelings aren’t warranted because there is so much to be grateful for. Sometimes things are fine, and I’m able to handle whatever is thrown at me. Other times it’s very difficult to will myself to not breakdown.

Most of the time I literally feel worthless. I also feel I’ve lost all motivation to improve, learn and challenge myself and be “creative”. I feel so stunted and drained at the moment. Sometimes, it’s just easier to live in some “safe” lull where I just watch endless amounts of TV and I end up just feeling incredibly resentful towards myself. I really want to stop this but it’s strangely difficult to do. I’m working on this but part of me thinks I might need to get some help.

Lately, to keep myself sane and make myself feel better, I’ve been fiddling with some stop motion video. I’ve made stop motion a few times before, but each time has been really jittery. I was thinking about what I could do to create a short video of smooth stop motion. It dawned on me that there are 24 frames in 1 second of footage, which means I would probably need 24 images to create one “smooth” second of footage.

I decided to test this out using origami as my focus. I wanted make it look like a piece of paper was folding itself into a paper crane. Great idea, right? Well, not really. This was my first attempt.



My first mistake was using a rather unreliably tripod. I bought one of those bendy tripods and thought I’d use it for this experiment. The tripod wasn’t strong enough to hold up my camera so whenever I went to take a photo, it moved slightly.

Another issue was the paper I used to make this paper crane was way too big for my first attempt at 24-images-per-second stop motion experimentation. It took me a good two hours to fold a piece of paper in half. I grew frustrated and quickly made the paper crane. The bit with the paper crane moving around was done as an after thought and I think it was the best part of the video because it looks kinda cool. Score.

For the next video, I was determined to make a full paper crane. I think this is my favourite video so far because it does look kinda cool.



This time I used smaller origami paper. This also took ages to do and I grew frustrated by the end of it, which you can tell by the hurried-ness of the end of the video.

Last night I made another video, this time using my Victoria Beckham barbie as my subject. I wanted to see if I could create smooth movement with a doll. I wanted make her walk, turn her head and wave.



I think this video is all together very rushed. I probably should have spaced out her movements better in order to make it seem less rushed and jittery. What was difficult this time around was the movements are really hard to measure out. Normally with paper, you just fold bit by bit. With a doll, making her walk bit by bit is really difficult and so that’s probably why it looks so rushed and blurry.

I’ve actually made another video focussing on the walking. I think walking is hard to appear natural because you have to also take into account the weight that’s placed on each foot as you walk. I’ve tried to do it in this new video but it’s still not very good.

I think for my next video, I might bring in another Barbie doll and actually try to not only piece together smooth movement, but incorporate pans and actually cut together a bit of a story. Hopefully that will help me create a video that’s longer than 8 seconds!

I'm Banning TV, Guys

I’ve realised my obsession with TV has become slightly destructive to my general productivity and was somehow making me feel more and more depressed. I’ve been working full time for a few months and I have to admit I’ve been feeling really depressed for a lot of reasons: I don’t get time to do what I want to do ie. make films, write stuff – in general, do creative projects. As well, I’ve been gaining weight from sitting at a desk for 7 hours a day. It takes me an hour to get to work and back home again, which makes it difficult to go to the gym because I’m always too tired when I get home.

These issues really bothered me and I didn’t want to face them. I ended up watching copious amounts of TV – Game of Thrones, New Girl, How I Met Your Mother, Gossip Girl, Modern Family, Bones, Community, Parks and Recreation and The Big Bang Theory – to avoid it. It got to a point where if I couldn’t bring myself to face my issues, I would watch re-runs of Friends, Community or How I Met Your Mother to help numb it. It was so soothing at first, but I’ve realised it’s become a really big problem.



Coming back from Cambodia was like hitting the reset button, but I resumed back to my old practices really quickly. I even had some big opportunities come my way and I didn’t get onto them fast enough because I kept doubting my abilities and self-worth. Instead of addressing my problems, I watched Game of Thrones, then re-runs of Friends until I fell into a slumber. It happened every single day until it was too late.

I came across Jan Stewart’s blog post about sustaining a good work-life balance. It really made me  rethink about how I use my time. I can’t blame anyone but myself for not using the precious few hours I have after work to do productive activities.

So to introduce and sustain a healthy work-play life balance, I’ve decided to ban TV for a month.

Here are the rules:

• I am not allowed to watch TV from Saturday to Thursdays.

• “TV” constitutes anything on the actual TV, all films and TV shows that “magically appear on my computer” and online videos. This is to stop me from streaming episodes of Masterchef every night.
• Friday is my only TV day. I’ve done this because even the most disciplined individuals needs some indulgence. I can’t quit cold turkey! I NEED TO KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENING ON GAME OF THRONES!
• If the TV is on during dinner time, I am allowed to watch it. However, I can’t turn on the TV or choose what is being watched.
• My ban ends on the 21st of June, 2012

My only concern now is I will be on the internet a lot more ie. tweeting more inane crap than usual. This evening, I was just standing in the middle of the kitchen scrolling my twitter feed for about twenty minutes. That’s why I’m also going to turn off the internet and hide my mobile somewhere when I need to do anything productive. I’m going to make sure I make time to do the creative work I want to do without any distractions.

Other things I’m doing to improve my productivity, skills and mental stability:

• I’ve just started to keep a diary. I bought one because I assumed I would have so much time on my hands that I’d need a diary to quell my supposed infinite boredom. But seriously, I think it will come in really handy because it will keep me writing constantly without the fear of being judged, which is partly why I don’t blog very often. I think it will be helpful for my own confidence-building as a writer. It’s also cathartic.
• I’m going to make sure I read for at least 30 minutes before bed. This is for a few reasons. One is it gives my brain a break from the internet and social media. The other reason is so that I actually read. I’ve bought all these amazing books and I really want to read them but I can’t find the time or the attention span to do it. That’s why I think this will work all right. 

I only started the ban on Monday but I do feel better, more in control, more inspired. I mean, I’m writing this blog post, which is pretty cool!

On Monday, I had a really good chat with my brother about his general homework ethic and his tertiary choices. Then he and mum had a massive argument and I managed to mediate it really well, which would never have happened if I was watching re-runs of Friends.

Yesterday I spent the evening with Liam and we had a great dinner and discussed politics. He mostly informed me about what’s happening in Greece and we had a good chat about racial and gender profiling in Australian politics. I also fell asleep at about 10:47pm, which is very rare. I normally nod off at 12:30am (which explains why I’m always beyond exhausted).

Today has been pretty good. I almost turned on the TV to watch Masterchef but I managed to stop myself. Since this is a happening blog post, I guess I’d call this evening very productive. I’ve also got plans to play around with this new application called Buffer. It lets you pre-write your tweets and you can set them to tweet at certain times. I tried to figure out how to do it at work but I didn’t want to use our platform as a test-dummy so I’m going to play with that using my own twitter. I might even upload some nice photographs I took with my new lens (yes, I bought myself a new 50mm lens for dad’s Nikon).

I guess I'll be sharing things on a more regular basis. I'll be doing a few Cambodia posts too so stay tuned, and thanks for reading! I know this is a really long and wordy post!

Elipsis

This week feels like a hazy swarm of hospitals and vet clinics. Monday night, my father badly sliced his hand between his thumb and finger with a power tool. It was so deep he needed to see a plastics surgeon to make sure there was no tendon/nerve damage. There weren’t enough beds for him so he stayed overnight in the emergency ward and was transferred to another hospital the next morning as soon as a bed was free. He was meant to have his operation that afternoon but there was no space/doctors were too busy. It was awful.

He finally had his hand surgery on yesterday in the late afternoon. My mum was a terrible, hyper-anxious mess. We were in his ward for ages, waiting and waiting. Mum noticed all these brochures on the wall were about bones and she freaked out because she thought my dad had damaged the bone in his hand. I had to tell her several times that dad was staying in the “bone department” but he had to go to another floor to have his operation. He’s home now, but he needs to keep his arm elevated and dry. I’ll be taking him back to the hospital on Monday so the surgeon can take another look at his hand.

As well as this, my dog Tiffany has been to vet to get her health checked out. She has a grade 4 heart murmur and I got the vets to do a general exam on her, in case there is something else wrong with her. She has mild bronchitis and a UTI. We’re sorting out the UTI problem and when she gets better, she’ll be on medication for bronchitis. That vet bill cost me $852.05. When I told my dad about it at the hospital, he was scolding me for wasting my money on an old dog. My dad grew rather existential and gave me the spiel that old sick pets are like old sick people and that sometimes it’s just not worth spending so much money on their health when they won’t get better.

Anyway, in happier news, I had a great time in Port Fairy. I’ll be posting up some pictures this week. I hope everyone has a good day!

My thoughts this week in dot points

• Went to Longrain. The bartender there was very attractive. The beef peanut curry and deep-fried baby snapper were standouts. It cost us $54 each. I thought it was really expensive considering an expensive meal to me is $20 each. I think my friends generally like to do fine dining often. I have no idea how they get the money to eat at these expensive restaurants.
• I've been getting writing anxiety that's really paralysing. I basically can't write anything serious because I feel like whatever I type will be shit and people will judge my worth on my words. I haven't felt happy about my writing for about 2 and a half years. I think I'm scared to try. I feel very focused on how I write rather than the content and it really eats at me.
• I really need a haircut, but I really want long hair. I think I should at least get a fringe, and maybe dye my hair brassy blonde or something
• I had pho yesterday at Saigon Pho on Lygon st. It was one of the best pho noodle soups I've had in ages. I usually eat at Rice Papers on Swanston Street but their food I feel is slowly worsening. They no longer give their patrons lemon and chilli for their pho anymore! That's mandatory.
• There's a new hot dog place in the city called Pink Cafe Hot Dog. Even though their hot dogs don't look as nice as the ones at Snag Stand, I really want to try these, especially since their mini chilli dog is only $2
• I did a cheese quiz and failed miserably because I don't eat goat's cheese.
• I need to get a real job.
• I sometimes wish I was fashion blogger, but I don't think what I wear warrants a photograph on my blog.
• Going through my Kanye West phase. Like a boss.
• Early last year I met a camera assistant on set and he introduced me to this band called The Baseballs. They are this German band who do 50's renditions of top 40 songs. This one is pretty legit. Also who else thinks German is a very sexy language? It's very masculine, like a lumberjack and beards. And Michael Fassbender.
  
• My dad found an abandoned wild turtle in a house he was working at one day so we are now looking after this very shy wild turtle until my dad can take the turtle to a freshwater creek. I've been digging up worms in the garden. I love watching him eat worm. I let him go for a walk in the backyard. My shih tzu saw him and started shaking vigorously. I think she's scared of turtles.
• I'm going away with Liam next Friday to Port Fairy. I'm really excited about it.
• I saw Mission Impossible last weekend. It was fantastic. I really enjoyed it, partly because Simon Pegg offered great comedic relief, but mostly because Tom Cruise's hair was the perfect length and the teal silk suit he wears in Dubai is perfectly tailored. Plus, he's so buff.
• I think I should be less ashamed of my Cruise love.
• I can't wait for Rock of Ages
• I think I'm watching Mission Impossible 4 again tonight.

How was your week?

Political limbo

I remember telling my English tutor when I was 13 that I thought politics was boring. I had never taken a real interest in politics until my late teens, but even then it was all so basic and summarised. As I grow older, I realise that politics is something that we can’t avoid as every institution has their own political battle.

In Year Ten, our Science teacher moved our Science test the day before we were supposed to sit it. We were so outraged and my friend demanded that no one put their names on their tests as a way of protesting this unfair move by our teacher. I wholly supported this. However, I was also the only one that left their name off their test so the teacher knew it was mine. I was kinda let down by my own comrades.

In Year Eleven my Chemistry teacher said it was compulsory that we all sit a Science competition. It cost two dollars. I didn’t see how it was compulsory if we all had to pay to participate in this science competition. The way I saw it, if I didn’t cough up my $2, I was choosing not to sit this stupid test. But she insisted that it was compulsory. I ended up giving in to her, considering it was only $2.

At the last federal election, I followed it so closely. I stayed up late, watching them come to some non-decision because the votes were so close. It was interesting. We still functioned as a society despite the government being in some kind of limbo. My theory has always been that people were voting below the line because Labor and Liberal had become so similar it was like choosing between which two staplers to use.

As I grow older, I feel that I am quite left-wing, and people seem to think of it as a bad thing. I think being left wing feels right to me. What is wrong with wanting equality for everyone, wanting the world and society to stop exploiting the poor? What is wrong with harmony? What is wrong with despising violence?

Sometimes, it’s unfathomable how narrow-minded our country’s “leaders” are. Take same-sex marriage for example. They go on about the sanctity of marriage being between a man and a woman. I hate that argument. Two words: Kim Kardashian. The fact is that giving people the same rights as everyone else is a basic necessity. You can’t call your country a progressive and diverse country when same-sex couples aren’t allowed to marry.

It’s the same thing with refugees. Since when was it equal and humane to lock up a bunch of people who have done nothing but seek refuge in what they thought was a compassionate country? It makes me so sick that our government is just carting refugees from country to country just like cattle.

Sometimes I feel like it’s just not enough to just believe in these things. Sometimes you need to actively show that you are in support of these issues. It could be through donation, or through protests and rallies. I don’t think I do enough of that.

Perhaps that’s my New Year’s Resolution?

The disillusionment charm

I've been back from New York for about 4 days. I always go through one of those "What am I doing with my life?" crises every time I come back from holiday. It's mainly because when I am away, it's like I've put my life momentarily on pause. I'm a procrastinator so this kind of lifestyle suits me but when I have moments of D and M, it makes me hate myself. I suppose I'm just very un-confrontational through and through and it weaves its way into my thought process and way of living. Got bills to pay? Do it later when I'm not going through a solo Bones marathon. Yeah, see, television is the best way to avoid your life entirely. You watch characters live their lives and in a twisted way, your mind makes you think that you're doing something with purpose.

My issue is that I recognise these things and hate myself for feeding my 'life-threatening' procrastination. I'm entirely to blame. Why beat myself up and whinge that I have a shit time when I don't actively change it? I shouldn't feel sorry for myself. It's pathetic and very unproductive. Life doesn't hand stuff to you, you have to make it happen. I suppose that's why I hate Serena Van Der Woodsen more than Blair Waldorf (although, believe me, I don't like Blair either). Serena is handed everything and has it pretty cruisy.

This trip to New York has been very disillusioning in a couple of ways. Yes, the city itself is entirely disappointing, but so is this happy family portrait I've conceived of my extended family. Perhaps my family situation has soured my perception of the city, although I believe my feelings towards New York are fairly warranted. I really wanted to like New York, and perhaps if I come back I will. But that city has its issues. I guess that's why Occupy Wall Street is such a big deal.

I don't think you can be financially struggling and live happily in New York City. Sure, food is damn cheap, but rent isn't and pay is low. If you think you can intern your way to the top (which is probably doable), you've gotta make sure you've got some money there to get you by because I've heard New York companies exploit free-labouring interns. All these TV shows and films like Sex and the City and Gossip Girl paint New York as this amazing place where dreams come true and everyone looks gorgeous. But Carrie and her girlfriends are already established in their careers and buy Manolo Blahniks. Serena and Blair come from super rich families. Even lonely boy Dan Humphrey has a rich dad and a hip, rustic Brooklyn apartment.

My dad's aunty lives in the city. She has a stomach or intestinal cancer and her stomach is very swollen. It hurts to eat. Her apartment couldn't be more tragic. Broken floor tiles are taped together. Uncomfortably dim lights. Everything looks dirty, but it's not; it's just the apartment. It's dingy because it's old. It's expensive because it's old.

My own grandparents are squished into this tiny apartment in Flushing. My aunt and uncle have to rent out some of the rooms because rent is so high. There are seven people living in this one apartment. My aunt and uncle share a room with their two children.

Sitting outside a luxury store was a recently homeless woman. She was sleeping in thick jackets with two little dogs in tow, all bundled up in jumpers. Next to her were three back packs. She was carrying a sign that said she was pregnant and her boyfriend kicked her and her dogs out. She has no money or anywhere else to go so she's begging for money.

How can such poverty exist in a city where hotels can charge almost $10000 a night?

I'm just angry and when I post this I'll regret that I did it. I just feel like I've been lied to. People can be really attached to the city they live in and I apologise if my observations offend you. If I had gone to New York for reasons other than visiting sick family members, then maybe my opinion of the city would be very different.

Right now, I feel thoroughly disillusioned.

SQUIRREL

Goddamn that last post was a terrible blog post. I reread it and it was just awful. So hopefully, I can make up for it right now.

So today was day one in Flushing. It wasn't the most exciting of days considering all we did was hang around my uncle's place with the grandparents, and while that's all nice and lovely, you can only do so much without internet or a TV (yes, their TV doesn't work *sobs*). My grandma, dad and I went to the main street (also called Main Street) in Flushing to buy some groceries. It was pretty cool, but it did remind me of Box Hill a lot. But get this: FOOD IS SO CHEAP. It's unbelievable, and that's even with tax! We had breakfast this morning in a restaurant. We had some soy milk, you tiaos (fried dough) and onion pancakes – very Beijing, apparently. It cost us fucking $5.50. NO SHIT.

Oh and we bought 6 lobsters today for $57. YES FOOD IS THAT CHEAP. And I got some goober peanut butter and grape jelly because it was FUCKING $2.98.

But in all seriousness though, I got to hang out with my grandparents. I think my grandfather really wants to go back to China. I think he hates it here. I was showing him pictures of our house in Australia and he started talking about the house he lived in in China. He had some pictures of the house and it was a beautiful place, HEAPS nicer than my aunt and uncle's.  I know my aunt and uncle are doing their best to have everyone feel comfortable, but the house is TINY and they even have a housemate who, I reckon, probably feels really weird living with this family. He probably doesn't feel like it's even his home. I don't think it's the best place for my grandparents, and they also have to take care of my little cousins while my aunt and uncle are at work. It's not ideal at their age and situation.

My grandma showed me all the letters from my grandpa's doctor. Let's just say I've learned more about cancer today. It only just dawned on me that this cancer treatment is probably costing my aunt and uncle a lot of money, considering America's healthcare system is actually shocking. I'll be giving my grandparents $1000 soon, so hopefully, if they wish to use it that way, that money can go towards any medical bills.

I have to say, I really don't like one of my cousins. I'm psychoanalysing him and I really shouldn't because he's only 7 years old, but I just get the feeling he's going to grow up to be a bit nasty shit when he gets older. General selfishness and dissatisfaction with losing is very evident, and I know these are traits that are common with children, because they don't get "the bigger picture", but I really don't know any children who are like him. I should give him the benefit of the doubt though.

Anyway, here are some pics of Flushing.

un momento

I was asking my mum what we would be doing in New York. I wasn't sure if we would be at the hospital or my uncle's house the majority of the time since we aren't in New York for a holiday or anything. But it seems like I must have more relatives than I knew because mum mentioned all these people on my dad's side of the family who we will be visiting a lot. Plus, my dad's cousin will be in New York. He lives in Canada and when he heard that my dad was coming to New York, he decided to come as well. I think he and my dad are really close, which makes me feel relieved. I get the impression that my father was a bit of a loner as a child. I'm glad he and his cousin were close. I remember his cousin and his wife came to stay with us back in '96 when they were visiting. My brother was just born and I think I was stunned that someone in my family could speak some basic English.

I also asked if we would be eating out much and if we would be doing all the touristy stuff like visiting the statue of liberty and Central Park. She said we should be, which is kinda nice. I'm getting increasingly excited about this trip, but at the same time, I do feel like I shouldn't be. I keep seeing things online like, say, Bobbi Brown make up, and think to myself, "I'm gonna buy shit loads of that in NY" and then remind myself that I'm there to see my grandpa. I think it's just me placing unnecessary pressure on myself to feel sadder than I am.

Anyway, I don't really have much to say other than that. I was looking online at Forever 21 and Liam suggested that I could possibly start buying stuff online and have it shipped to my uncle's place so I save on shipping. It's not a bad idea, I think. I'm not sure if I "need" anything from Forever 21 (ha ha), but I asked my mum about it and she said it should be fine as long as we give my uncle the heads up about an incoming package.

I hope you're all having a good week! The Fringe Festival started last week and my review is totally published on the buzzcuts website. Go check out all the reviews and support local arts!

procrastinating

Last night I went to my first Fringe Festival gig. It was a really good show and now I need to write a review about it but I'm feeling writer's block at the moment and I need to have it all done by tomorrow. I'm having trouble, mostly because of self-doubt. I'm just scared I'll write a shit review. I've been reading all the reviews on the buzz cuts website and they've all been really good so I'm feeling a bit nervous, but I really shouldn't since it's only a 350 word review and I really enjoyed the show.

Actually, last night I had to go to the show alone, which is something I rarely do because I'm scared of being independent or something. So when I rocked up to the venue early, I basically made a beeline for the bar and ordered myself a pint of Lithuanian beer. I thought we weren't allowed to bring drinks with us to the performances so I basically tried to drink a pint of beer in 7 minutes, which I'm clearly not able to do. Then, when I decided to abandon my beer, I realise that drinks were allowed into shows, so I ran back into the bar and grabbed my beer (hoping that no one has spiked the damn thing) and dashed back in line.

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS!

Seriously, this is why people get drunk at mingling events. It quells your anxiety. Dulls out your perception that other people know that you are here alone. It's like texting someone or using your smartphone between bands at music concerts. Because the idea of people knowing you are alone is worse than actually being alone.

Is this the same for everyone, or is it just me?

I need to write this review.

A mortal combat

This week has been long and rife with emotions. I can't help but think "so many people have died this week". Perhaps all this talk about mortality is really plummeting my spirits.

Liam's housemate's cat died this week. She was bitten by a snake. It's awful news and I really liked that cat. She was so affectionate and playful. His housemate is overseas at the moment and I don't know if they've told her yet or not, but it's just devastating.

No doubt anyone who uses the internet will know that Troy Davis was executed today for the alleged murder of a security guard.

There are so many things wrong with this, namely that:

1. They're not actually 100% that he was the one who killed the security guard because 7 out of 9 witnesses retracted their statements. Davis has vehemently denied it, and claimed innocence.


2. I strongly disagree with capital punishment. I don't think any government or body of power has any right to decide if a person should live or die. I don't think it's any different to murdering a person. The system itself becomes what it is punishing.


3. Even if Davis was guilty of murdering that security guard, the fact remains that a lot of others who have committed similar acts have been locked up in jail, rather than face the lethal injection. What makes this particular crime so different that it warrants the death penalty?

There are so many questions surrounding it and we will probably never know the answer. A lot of people think it might be because he is a black man and was trialed differently. It just really upsets me that something as inhumane exists as part of law. It makes me sick.

Then there was the suicide of 14-year-old Jamey Rodemeyer, who was taunted by bullies for being bisexual. What's upsetting is that he's tried so hard to be strong and ignore the nasty gay slurs, but I guess it got to him in the end, which upsets me greatly. He posted a video on youtube as a part of the "It Gets Better" campaign to help and give hope to other gay/bisexual teens out there who are having a hard time coming out or dealing with all that homophobic crap.

Here is Jamey's video. It's very sweet and honest.




I'm so upset and saddened by this. If anyone is going through something similiar, or if you know someone who might be depressed, please seek help.

Beyond Blue call 1300 22 4636
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