How do you react?

I think I'm going to New York at the end of October. Well, I technically won't be in New York City, but New Jersey, which, in a way, is kind of disappointing. However, the reason I am going to New York is because my grandfather has lung cancer and my dad wants to visit him. I think originally he wanted to go with my mum but I have a feeling he'd rather go with me because my english is better. Mum jokes it's because my grandfather likes me the best. That's probably partially true considering I am his fist grandchild.

All that aside though, I'm pretty OK with everything at the moment. I had my cry. I'm fine. I'm more worried about my dad. He hasn't seen his dad for years and I when I think about him being upset, I end up feeling very upset too. I think my crying has been 30% concerned about my grandfather and 70% concerned about my dad. I wonder if that's the wrong way to feel. I'm concerned about my grandfather - there is no question about that - but I'm closer with my father. I rarely see him vulnerable and I guess, it's alarming when strong people are vulnerable.

Even though the reason for this trip is awful, I can't help but think about all the touristy things I might get to do. For example, visit Harlem and eat at a legit diner like the one that was featured on Masterchef (If you remember what that place was called, please let me know in the comment section). Plus pastrami sandwiches. And general closeness to things like Forever 21, H&M etc.

God, am I an awful person to be thinking about these things when my grandfather is very sick? I feel like I shouldn't be thinking about shopping and food. I feel like I should be openly weeping or something, but I can't. I suppose I should just feel what I feel, not what I am supposed to feel. It's like when you don't react to the way society wants you to react, it makes you a bad person. I think that's unfair.

Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. I hope everyone has a good week. I'll be posting more frequently (hopefully) to practice for the Fringe Festival. The Buzz Cuts workshop was really good. Speakers were Richard Watts, John Bailey and Mel Campbell. They were all great and encouraged us to start and keep writing. I think I'll be writing 2 reviews a week just for practice. Suggestions for things to review are welcomed.

Have a good week.

Gym tales continued

I've joined the gym ever since I got back from Thailand. It took a lot of hard work to lose about 8kgs so I'm really invested in keeping that off, even though I gained 3kg in Thailand. I figured, I'm not going to run in the cold during the dark, ungodly hour of 7am. I might as well join the gym. At least I'll be warm. I've joined with my friend Karmen so hopefully that's extra motivation for me. I hope we don't let each other down.

Yesterday, Karmen and I did our first class together. It was Body Combat. Here's a video:



It's pretty much air boxing. I had to kick and punch the air to a pulp while in rhythm to some adrenaline-charged top 40 songs. It's a lot more full on than you'd think, and requires a bit of coordination too. I mean, not even 5 minutes into the class, while I was "shuffling"/bouncing across the room sideways, I lost my footing and fell. I slid across the floor. Well, that's what it felt like. Some very kind ladies behind me helped me up. I was all right, but my dignity was bruised when Karmen started laughing.

It was pretty funny though.

But embarrassing in a soul-ripping kind of way.

THAT'S WHY I DON'T EXERCISE!

It was one of those "No one makes me bleed my own blood" moments, so I punched the air faster and harder. As a result of my anger and embarrassment, I am now in a world of pain. Yes, it's your usual too much lactic acid situation, but it's also much worse than that because parts of your body that shouldn't hurt are hurting. It makes any movement impossible.

Sometimes I don't know why we do this to ourselves. I had grand plans to use the hotel gym in Thailand. I even bought some new converse shoes just for the occasion. I never did it, of course. I just couldn't be bothered. Besides, who wants to waste their holidays exercising?

I can't go to taco bell, I'm on an all-carb diet. God, Karen you're so stupid!

photo taken from burgers by phone

I'm on a diet. Sigh. I never thought I'd say that. Somehow I feel like being on a diet is a symbol of defeat. I mean, it's not actually. But it feels like I've reached a point where I'm no longer accepting the way I look, or liking my so-called "lady lumps" and whatnot. Which is sad, because I've generally been all right with the way I looked. Sure, I'd have the odd shit day where I wished I was the size of Ellen Page. But generally, I never really cared all that much.

Of course, things change when you are going to Thailand. And being in a 3 year relationship sure adds kilos to the waist. I've probably gained about 7 kg since dating my partner because our relationship pretty much centralises on food and How I Met Your Mother (this is not even a joke). So when we decided to go to Thailand I thought I'd better get into shape, go back to the weight I was 3 years ago (not that I was extremely thin or anything, but I was definitely slimmer than I am now).

So to help me "get into shape", I've gotten a personal trainer. And sometimes, I think to myself "What have I gotten myself into" because it's pretty hard. I have to exercise a lot, something I'm not at all used to. And the diet! Lord. I can't eat so many of the things I used to eat. Cheese? Gone. Cake? Gone. Bread? One slice a day. Makes me weep. And I have to maintain this for two months! I don't know how I'm going to last.

I thought I'd be all right, but then I was introduced to long distance running, and now my whole being is filled with dread and pain and doubt. And now I've developed a disgusting cough, that makes my whole body tremble, aching my already sore abs. Everything hurts! I'm super miserable right now. I constantly wonder what is the point of being "healthy" when it takes so much joy out your life. What's the point of having awesome abs when you can't enjoy food? Maybe I'm just being extremely pessimistic. I do have a habit of doing that. They say the first two weeks is very hard.

Mwah

So... kissing. What's the fuss all about? Every generic romantic comedy is really leading up to a lip locking event – Lips touching, tongues dancing inside each other's mouths, then some groping and maybe a bit of sex (but being a generic romcom, we don't get to see the sex). It's such an odd concept when you detach yourself from it. Why is the touch of another person's lips upon yours a really big deal? I mean, I'm not saying that it isn't for me, because it is, but I'm just interested in why it is such a big deal for me sometimes.

I think movies have really contributed to this, but they also present a really simplistic view of the role kissing plays within our interactions with people. I mean, in all these romcoms, making out seems to be the signal for "HEY! LET'S GO OUT!". And that's really not the case in real life as that's not really how it works. It's so much more complicated than that and yet films have simplified it to mean that two parties are going to date exclusively or something like that.

Wikipedia says that kissing seemed to have originated in certain areas, for example Greece, Syria and India were way ahead with kissing, while the act of kissing in Japan and Africa seemed to only exist between a mother and her baby. It's interesting because kissing is like projecting feelings of "love" and wanting to be close to someone or acting out your attraction for someone. the kiss between mother and her baby is exactly just a projection of love. But how do we even know that kissing is meant to represent that? How do we know to kiss?

Sometimes you just want to kiss your boyfriend/girlfriend. But how do we know to kiss? Why has lip locking been the action to signify all of that love, passion and affection? Why do we want to be kissed? It's so puzzling and obvious at the same time.

What was your first kiss like?

Mine was when I was seven. It shouldn't even count because I was seven. I don't remember very much as I pretty much blocked a lot of my childhood from my mind. All I remember was it wasn't good or bad. It just was. Yeah.

Anyway, to end this awkward conversation:

The sock out punch

Image taken from The Image Builders

Knee high socks.

Looks like I'm not the only one who's noticed and embraced this trend. I started watching New Zealand's Next Top Model last month and I've noticed that the lovely contestants on the show have been rocking this trend. To be honest, it seems like Glassons in NZ is a lot nicer than Glassons in Australia. I think the models wear Glassons during their big deliberation with Sara. Maybe it's the way it's styled (or maybe they're not even wearing Glassons), but it looks like they're wearing Forever New more so than Glassons. If anyone has any info about this, let me know.

Anyway, so I've been wearing knee high socks of late and after watching the newest episode of Pretty Little Liars and noticing practically everyone wearing knee high socks with cute skirts and dresses, I felt compelled to point this out on the ol' blog. And I'm not the only one that's noticed this trend. My partner has also pointed out to me that he's noticed a lot of women have been wearing them too. I'm not surprised. It's easily one of the cheapest and most comfortable ways of staying "on trend" or whatever.


Image taken from Mama's a Rolling Stone Magazine


Image taken from Fashion Directory

What are your thoughts on knee high socks?

My first Zumba class

I don't know about you but right now, every one seems to be going crazy for Zumba. I don't know if it was already around, but it seems like every gym has a zumba class on every tuesday. People on facebook are excited about their zumba classes. Even my own mum has gone to zumba classes. But what is zumba? I thought it was just a bunch of people doing pelvic thrusts. I decided to attend a class to really understand zumba.

From what I could gather today, zumba seems to be just a kind of dance that incorporates aerobics and some salsa/latino styles. And some pelvic thrusting. And gyrating. Lots of gyrating. The choreography is a lot more difficult than what I am accustomed to. I was reminded of the times where I would watch So You Think You Can Dance, and think the moves being performed were pretty doable. Nuh uh. It's one thing to watch it and have your brain go, "yup, totes got it". It's a completely different thing to apply that to your body. When we start dancing, it was seriously a "what the fuck have I gotten myself into" moment. But then I just relaxed and it was fine.

One thing I would suggest people do is wear something comfortable, but not all together baggy. I wore leggings and a giant t-shirt. Because you are dancing in front of a giant mirror on the wall, you can see yourself. Not only was seeing myself in my unco-est state a revolting sight, but the vision was exacerbated by what I was wearing. I looked like a fat elf. When I "gyrated" my pelvis, it was creepy because it was hidden under all this excess t-shirt. It just looked wrong. I made sure I just watched the teacher, but every now and then I would cop an eye full of myself flapping vulgarly around.

What surprised me was I found the cardio not too challenging. I was still huffy and puffy but it wasn't uncomfortable. My ego wants to think it's because I'm a fit piece of work under my flab, but what's more likely is I probably wasn't doing any of it properly, or doing any of it enthusiastically enough. Either way, I was proud that I could handle the cardio workout. I even thoguht to myself that I wanted it to be more challenging, but that's me being a douche.

So, if you're thinking on jumping on this bandwagon and take zumba classes, do it. Do it with some friends so it's less intimidating. At the end of the day, it's about having fun while trying to be more active.

Rock on, Zumba.

onesies

This song below reflects my mood, if it was a beautiful spring day, and if I was wearing a pretty dress and could ride some kind of bicycle and look pretty and elfin. This song makes me happy. Especially the intro to this song.



I've got a topic to discuss: onesies. Or play suits. Or jumpsuits. Whatever you call them, I want to talk about them. In brief, though; I have school work to do and a 21st birthday speech to prepare. ARGH. I forgot to buy floss again.

Anyway, back to the play suit. I just want to make it absolutely clear that I will NEVER buy a play suit online. I remember ages ago, I was sifting through stores trying to find a nice dress to wear to a cocktail event and I thought it could be appropriate to adorn myself in a indigo play suit: kinda cute, showing a bit of leg, whatever etc. I got what I perceived to be my appropriate size and when I chucked it on, it was very uncomfortable, to say the least.

Now, we all see clothing online with their measurements listed so we can base these measurements on our actual clothes. We have the bust, the waist and the hips measured. Sometimes shoulder to shoulder, armpit to armpit, and sometimes length and sleeve length. But with a play suit, they should actually measure from shoulder/collar to crotch.

Because you don't want to have a wedgie or... the front wedgie. Because that's not nice.

So unless I find a onesie online with shoulder/collar to crotch measurements, I'm not going to even consider buying one from a website. It's like you wouldn't really buy second hand trousers online, because it's just too risky. Play suits and trousers need to be tried on before buying.

It's just the rules, OK?

I HATE YOU

I've been eating really badly the last couple of... weeks. It's so terrible that I think I'm getting confusing stomach pains. I'm really scared that I have an intolerance to dairy because... well, dairy is best. What I think it might be is that I need to do some more exercise. I'm thinking about walking my dogs more often. Maybe I should wake up at 6am and start exercising them too. I certainly will help me achieve the whole "lose weight" thing, although right now I just want to get rid of the chest pains. I'm kinda stuck to my bed right now. It really sucks. I feel kinda fat.

I thought about cutting diary and gluten from my diet but you know what? We went to Costco today and I bought stacks of jarlsberg and some lovely muffins. I CAN'T NOT EAT THEM!!! So I'm going to try the exercise thing. I hope that's the reason why I'm having these pains. I got them yesterday after eating too much for lunch, but the pain I suffered was just so uncomfortable, and I had to work while trying to ignore the pain. And during work placement, I had hungry jack's for breakfast for three days in a row.

Yup, I suck. And now I'm paying for it. LAME.

Poke your face

I just read about some hair style in Cleo. I attempted it and while it doesn't look anything like the hair the model has (probably because my hair is straight), it still looks kinda cool. It's like a quiff, but using all of your hair.

Hooray to camwhoring!

damn YOU!

Dearest Akon,

Your song "Sexy Bitch" is utterly vile. Women are labeled as "sluts" and "whores" because men like you demean us. Your song is very disrespectful. Don't go prancing around a pool, "singing" about how you're trying to be respectful. You're not. You are a very vile, vile man. You're offensive to both women and language. I hope your wife screams at you for singing such trash that demeans her sex.

Will you just look at these... breasts!

I'm currently looking through the website style like u. It's a good read now and again, just to see what sort of people exist in this world and how they express themselves. Go check it out when you have some time. As I was going through this website, a wave of nostalgia swept over me. I was just inundated with memories of fashion quandaries I had to sort out when I was younger.

When I starting developing boobs, I had a real problem with bras. I hated wearing them because they were uncomfortable. So I wore training bras for a really long period of time and that drove me crazy because I became really paranoid with nipples poking through t-shirts and things. I had this tank top with a Charlie's Angels print on it and I really liked wearing that because the print acted as a barrier that stopped nipples poking through.

After that there was this problem I had with tank tops and singlets. What were they? What was the difference? How would I describe them in writing? That was a HUGE problem for me. I could not get over that. I tried to write stories and describe the clothes being worn by my characters, which, might I add, was the best part of writing stories, but I could never really understand the difference between tanks and singlets. It drove me insane.

Then there was this other fiasco where I couldn't wear spaghetti strap singlets because I hated bra straps showing (of course nowadays, you'd just wear a strapless bra). I couldn't bring myself to wear a singlet without a bra (re: nipple issues) and so I gave up on them altogether. As well, I was also really jealous of people who could wear singlets in public because they didn't have my nipple problem. When friends wore singlets to school, it made me very jealous.

Of course, now, I don't care at all, although I still don't like nipple action. But it doesn't bother me as much because I wear a bra now. In fact, I hate not wearing a bra now...

...probably because of my nipple problem

three cheers

I feel compelled to respond to recent body image issues regarding a Jennifer Hawkins, nuding it up for Marie Claire's cover. For those who don't know, Jennifer Hawkins, former Miss Universe, has stripped nude for the front cover of Marie Claire magazine. Apparently the photo is without any photoshopping. She's done this to support women's body image, and I think it is great.



Now, heaps of people are outraged by this because they don't believe Jennifer Hawkins is a good advocate for positive body image because she's so flawless and the "no photo shopping" thing kind of makes a common lass like me feel a bit deflated. The thing is, we shouldn't be complaining about this. Jennifer Hawkins is proud of her body, and why the hell are we complaining? Isn't a healthy body image about being happy with your body and being proud of your body? Jennifer Hawkins works hard to achieve the body she has, and she should be proud of her efforts. Similarly, those who have a different body type should be just as proud of their bodies. Your body is your own, everyone who goes naked for healthy body image is to be applauded, and not criticized for being not "real".



We're only outraged by this because we're constantly comparing our bodies to women who look like Jennifer Hawkins. Stop. Seriously, because we don't all look like that. And that's fine. The point of the shoot is to promote healthy body image, and while it seems cruel to put Jennifer Hawkins next to no photo shopping, what it is ultimately trying to promote is that we should all be proud of our bodies, whatever the shape.

It doesn't matter what you look like, you should not be made to feel bad about the way your body is. So don't bash Jennifer Hawkins for being proud of her body. She has every right to be proud of it, just like Bianca Dye should be of her body, just like you and I should be of our bodies.