For the past few years I’ve been freaking out a lot about where my life is heading and what I really want to get out of it. I was constantly comparing my lack of success with other people’s successes (I still do) and my life got stuck in a rut.
This year I feel more clarity. I still don’t know where my life is headed and I still feel bouts of disappointment when I think about what I haven’t achieved. However, this time, I don’t spend weeks analyzing my lack of success until I burst into tears, which, I hope, is a good thing and not just a way of ignoring my issues by sticking my head in the ground.
One of the main things helping me feel more comfortable with where my life is going is just doing more things. Maybe I’m just distracting myself from the real issues. This year alone I’ve read about 8 books (I read no books last year!), took up painting, listened to more new music and I’m starting pre-production with my film. They’re all small, insignificant activities but they’re keeping me positive. As for work, I’m slowly being forced into social situations, which is good for developing my “people” skills. I still have days where I just can’t be bothered making an effort, but it is becoming easier to pull myself out of those moods.
One thing I want to do more of is write and showing people my work, no matter how bad it is. I have low confidence and I’m always horrified about showing people my stuff in case they hate it, but criticism is good for improving skills. So, I’m going to write more, share more and plug myself a bit more from now on.
To start this process, I’m going to share with you some of the paintings I’ve been doing. They’re not amazing, they’re really just to help me with my painting skills. I’ll be taking a course in water colour painting in three weeks and I hope I learn heaps there!
This is the first watercolour painting I did. I didn't use the proper paper because I didn't want to waste the paper I bought on my first painting. It's a bit rough and I had a hard time mixing the paints. I was so used to using acrylics that I was rather rough with my application.
This is probably my favourite paiting to date. It turned out pretty well, although I think a lot of it was just a fluke! Here's the original image.
I wanted to try something a bit different so I painted these tree frog embryos. They didn't turn out the way I wanted but it was still a bit of fun. You can see the original image here.
I painted this one today. I'm not very happy with it because the sky looks so boring, but the more I look at it, the more I think it's not as bad as I think it is. Here's the original image.