It is officially the mid-semester "break", and I can feel myself slide very comfortably into that soft cushy chair called "hanging at home doing nothing except eat and watch ". But I really shouldn't do this. I really think this is a bad idea, especially since there is so much stuff to do for uni. But somehow, I can't really do anything. I can't bring myself to do anything because this chair is so comfortable, it's slurping me in!
It is a never ending battle.
Sometimes, you shun that chair. You tell the chair, "No! I'm gonna be awesome!" and proceed to do what awesome people do: be proactive in their lives and hone their awesomeness, whether it be making films or taking photos or baking pies. But that only lasts a few moments.
Because you get tired of honing the awesome. I guess it's just like getting tired of the chair. Except it's harder to get out of the chair than it is to stop honing the awesome.
Bloody oath this post is stupid.
Sorry for wasting your time.
It always surprises me that Ralph Fiennes is British. Maybe it's because the first Ralph fiennes' film I saw was 'Maid in Manhattan'. Nice.
I'm feeling a bit lost at the moment, but I suppose I'm lost in a the best possible of way. To be honest, while it's terrifying that we have so much to do at the moment, I am, overall, very excited. I feel like at the moment I'm definite about what I want to do. Sort of. By that I just mean that I really want to pursue my idea for honours. I talked about it to my darling Emma and she seems to like it. She's the first person I've told about my ideas and I feel really... I don't know, positive about it.
I've mentioned it to people but I feel afraid to properly tell them exactly what my idea is because I know there will be eye rolling, especially when I mention Tegan and Sara, but the thing is, they have very little to do with it. My honours idea was inspired by something I observed at a Tegan and Sara concert. I've actually decided on a title for this film/script, and I feel like this is going to be rather good, even if it takes me 4 years to write it and another 3 to make it.
It's so odd. I remember when I was younger I wanted to be a film director and it wasn't until I started uni that I started to look at cinematography as an option because I didn't like how the director didn't have much say about how the shots we framed. Now I feel like I've done a 360 and have crawled my way back to the beginning; back to where I wanted to go. I don't want to suddenly say that I want to direct, because I don't think it's so black and white.
I suppose I feel separated from a film because all I need to do is make something beautiful, rather than tell a story. I think when I film, I'm filming the stories other people want to tell, and that's perfectly fine. But I'm not telling the stories I want to tell and it kind of sucks at times. I think this is why I feel odd at times, odd around the film types. I guess I felt a bit like an impersonator, because I should be more passionate about filming. But I can't just say I don't like filming either. I adore it too.
Perhaps we all need to do a bit of switching. Perhaps I am a fickle type of person. Tony Bennett once said to Oprah that when he's bored of singing he paints, and when he's bored of painting he sings. Maybe I'm just being like Tony Bennett.
Canada:Tegan and Sara/Robin Scherbatsky/Poutine/Deep-fried cheese curds. I want to visit Montreal, Vancouver, Ontario and Alberta. I don't know what's there in Ontario or Alberta, but it's mentioned heaps in How I Met Your Mother, and that show is awesome.
San Fransisco:Annabel Ly's blog/food/culture. I follow the blog, Blushing Ambition, where the lovely Annabel indulges us with all the lovely food she eats with her bf and the wonderful clothes she wears. It seems stunning, and I love food. I really want to go there.
Hong Kong:Disney world/authentic yum cha/shopping. My partner and I are in talks of maybe going to Asia again this summer. I think Hong Kong will be awesome because everything is like so cheap, food will be amazing and DISNEY WORLD FUCK YEAH.
Ireland:Guinness/David O Doherty/Cillian Murphy/really green grass. I've always dreamed that Ireland would be the place I flee over to if I ever need to "discover" myself in a foreign country. I have plans to shack up with a sexy, rugged Irish man, and maybe come back home with a pseudo-Irish accent.
I'm feeling happy today. I feel really good. I don't know why. Maybe it has something to do with having a good night's sleep, and some kind of Tegan and Sara dream. Yes, I am thoroughly obsessed with them. They always circulate around attending one of their gigs and meeting them. This time, Tegan and I discussed Irigaray and Sara said she liked me collar bones. Ha. I wish.
I feel really... productive, even though all I've done is make myself food to eat. I've got a film I will be filming with some lovely ladies, a TV show I'm also filming with another good friend. I've also decided that I want to look into feminist and queer films for honours, and writing a script that will hopefully be made. I may even dabble in directing, who knows. Ah. I feel happy.
AND... I will be a guest on my dear friend Susie's radio show, "Flash in the Pan", tomorrow afternoon at 3pm, SYN on 90.7fm. Seriously, if you're in Melbourne, do check it out. We will be gushing about Masterchef. And I might, just might, sigh over hot men on that show. AND... there will be some food related songs so stay tuned.
Josh has stated in his blog that he is thinking about using the Canon 5D to film the stuff for Screen Production. I personally think it's lame but that's because I don't like anything 5D or 7D operating like a video camera. I've been slightly affected by a certain incident, and now, my mind links the 7D camera to a douche bag. Anyway, that's all I'm going to say about that. But on a professional basis I think it's a good learning opportunity, especially exposing oneself to different editing situations ie. post-synching of sound and editing HD footage.
Anyway, this entry isn't about this camera. I don't know too much about the camera other then it has a HUGE sensor (bigger than the DSR 450) and is able to use a bunch of awesome lenses.What I am about to say next may seem disconnected, but I assure you it is very relevant. Or at least, it feels relevant to me. I must warn you that this might be a very personal blog post. I have recently succumbed to ... seeing every situation phallocentrically. I'm concerned about this, especially because it implies that I have a sexually perverted mind of some kind. But I don't think I do. At least not more than the "average" person. It's just everything is so blatantly sexualised. So many incidents lately that make me realise how phallocentric situations can be read.
It all started a few weeks ago where I was "abducted" by my friends Nick and Hadders. Pretty much, they were like "we're coming to pick you up. You're hanging with us today". So I did. They picked me up, we went microphone shopping (because Nick needs a new one), ate at Hungry Jacks (OMG HOW AWESOME IS HONEY MUSTARD?). In the car, the guys were all like, "you are an honorary guy" and so I said, "oh, I feel cool now". Nick then said, "don't get ahead of yourself, you don't have a penis yet", so responded, "if I had a penis, it would be massive". They guffawed at that comment and said I was totally a "bro" of some kind.
Now that I'm studying Freud at uni, it's all messing with me a little bit. Freud is all like "women wish they have wangs, so they repress this sadness and inadequacy and replace the need for a wang by having babies". That makes no sense. In fact, I am please I don't have external genitalia. I like being a woman, thank you. I don't know what my comment says about me unconsciously. It could just be a flippant comment and nothing more. After all, I was joking. Perhaps I was just proving just how much of a "bro" I was. Who knows.
Anyway, there was another incident after that first incident where the phallocentricity was semi obvious. Dad just put in new locks at our place because I broke a key one night and the key head got stuck in the key hole. I managed to pull it out but Dad was just keen to get new locks. So he gave me the keys and asked me to get the keys cut so everyone can have a key. So I did and when I tried it out, it didn't fit. I talked about it to my parents and we decided that it was because the keys the key cutters were using just wasn't long enough. So I tried to explain that to the key cutter, but he just insisted that that wasn't the problem and made some additional changes to the key. It still didn't work. So I went to a different key cutter. They also insisted that it wasn't the length of the key that was the problem. They did some more adjusting but it still didn't work. So Mum got fed up, thinking that maybe I didn't explain it to the key cutters properly, but she's gone and done this like 3 times now and the keys still don't work. WHAT THE HELL? Inadequate much? It's like... sure, mum and I don't know much about keys but it's quite obvious that the keys the key cutters were using were about a centimetre too short. But no, don't listent to us, don't listen to the women who know nothing about keys. They length of the key is fine. Fuck off.
Third incident: the way a certain person insisted on using a 7D camera for MIFF film shoot. How he indulged in praising the camera's possession of a MASSIVE sensor and all sorts of lenses. The camera was like an extension of his phallus, and he was so eager to show it off, brandish it like a sword, if you will. Ew.
I feel a bit hysterical now because everything is a penis.
Thanks, Freud.
All of this can be found on my uni blog. If you're interested, here's the link
