I think I'm going to New York at the end of October. Well, I technically won't be in New York City, but New Jersey, which, in a way, is kind of disappointing. However, the reason I am going to New York is because my grandfather has lung cancer and my dad wants to visit him. I think originally he wanted to go with my mum but I have a feeling he'd rather go with me because my english is better. Mum jokes it's because my grandfather likes me the best. That's probably partially true considering I am his fist grandchild.
All that aside though, I'm pretty OK with everything at the moment. I had my cry. I'm fine. I'm more worried about my dad. He hasn't seen his dad for years and I when I think about him being upset, I end up feeling very upset too. I think my crying has been 30% concerned about my grandfather and 70% concerned about my dad. I wonder if that's the wrong way to feel. I'm concerned about my grandfather - there is no question about that - but I'm closer with my father. I rarely see him vulnerable and I guess, it's alarming when strong people are vulnerable.
Even though the reason for this trip is awful, I can't help but think about all the touristy things I might get to do. For example, visit Harlem and eat at a legit diner like the one that was featured on Masterchef (If you remember what that place was called, please let me know in the comment section). Plus pastrami sandwiches. And general closeness to things like Forever 21, H&M etc.
God, am I an awful person to be thinking about these things when my grandfather is very sick? I feel like I shouldn't be thinking about shopping and food. I feel like I should be openly weeping or something, but I can't. I suppose I should just feel what I feel, not what I am supposed to feel. It's like when you don't react to the way society wants you to react, it makes you a bad person. I think that's unfair.
Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. I hope everyone has a good week. I'll be posting more frequently (hopefully) to practice for the Fringe Festival. The Buzz Cuts workshop was really good. Speakers were Richard Watts, John Bailey and Mel Campbell. They were all great and encouraged us to start and keep writing. I think I'll be writing 2 reviews a week just for practice. Suggestions for things to review are welcomed.
Have a good week.
Showing posts with label ethical pickle. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ethical pickle. Show all posts
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
You can't have your cake and eat it too
It's funny how things "work out", if that's even what you would call it considering the circumstances. See, for the past month, I've been putting my life on hold to work on my appearance in the hopes that it will help me boost my confidence and eventually rub off in areas of my life that have been dormant since graduation ie. finding professional work.
I have been contacting this post-production house for a bit a few months ago and when they told me that they were too busy to take on a new intern, I sort of crumbled a bit inside. I mean, obviously that's not the only thing that has been a blow to me, but it certainly decreases my confidence.
So my life's been on hold and I wanted Thailand to be this epic time where I can escape "real life" for two weeks just so that I can reassess myself, I suppose. And I'm beyond excited about this. Thailand is all I think about these days.
Then I received a phone call from the post-production company, notifying me that they are ready to take on someone for a trial internship next week. I've obviously accepted. I'm obviously not sure how this will go, but if things go really well, I could be faced with the chance of a full time internship. But that will coincide with my trip to Thailand.
I know it might sound stupid that I'm not sure what decision to make, but this is what I'm thinking: I really want to go to Thailand. I've had these tickets booked for months. And really, I'm only going for 16 days. It's not like it's a permanent thing, you know? I mean, I suppose if they really want me to work with them, they can wait for me. But the problem is that my job starts at the bottom of the ladder. They could just see me as being very replaceable, and they might even be a bit angry at me for springing this on them? I don't know. But that's all hypothetical. However, I do think it's important for me to think about it anyway.
What would you do?
I have been contacting this post-production house for a bit a few months ago and when they told me that they were too busy to take on a new intern, I sort of crumbled a bit inside. I mean, obviously that's not the only thing that has been a blow to me, but it certainly decreases my confidence.
So my life's been on hold and I wanted Thailand to be this epic time where I can escape "real life" for two weeks just so that I can reassess myself, I suppose. And I'm beyond excited about this. Thailand is all I think about these days.
Then I received a phone call from the post-production company, notifying me that they are ready to take on someone for a trial internship next week. I've obviously accepted. I'm obviously not sure how this will go, but if things go really well, I could be faced with the chance of a full time internship. But that will coincide with my trip to Thailand.
I know it might sound stupid that I'm not sure what decision to make, but this is what I'm thinking: I really want to go to Thailand. I've had these tickets booked for months. And really, I'm only going for 16 days. It's not like it's a permanent thing, you know? I mean, I suppose if they really want me to work with them, they can wait for me. But the problem is that my job starts at the bottom of the ladder. They could just see me as being very replaceable, and they might even be a bit angry at me for springing this on them? I don't know. But that's all hypothetical. However, I do think it's important for me to think about it anyway.
What would you do?
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