Tuesday, May 10, 2011

I can't go to taco bell, I'm on an all-carb diet. God, Karen you're so stupid!

photo taken from burgers by phone

I'm on a diet. Sigh. I never thought I'd say that. Somehow I feel like being on a diet is a symbol of defeat. I mean, it's not actually. But it feels like I've reached a point where I'm no longer accepting the way I look, or liking my so-called "lady lumps" and whatnot. Which is sad, because I've generally been all right with the way I looked. Sure, I'd have the odd shit day where I wished I was the size of Ellen Page. But generally, I never really cared all that much.

Of course, things change when you are going to Thailand. And being in a 3 year relationship sure adds kilos to the waist. I've probably gained about 7 kg since dating my partner because our relationship pretty much centralises on food and How I Met Your Mother (this is not even a joke). So when we decided to go to Thailand I thought I'd better get into shape, go back to the weight I was 3 years ago (not that I was extremely thin or anything, but I was definitely slimmer than I am now).

So to help me "get into shape", I've gotten a personal trainer. And sometimes, I think to myself "What have I gotten myself into" because it's pretty hard. I have to exercise a lot, something I'm not at all used to. And the diet! Lord. I can't eat so many of the things I used to eat. Cheese? Gone. Cake? Gone. Bread? One slice a day. Makes me weep. And I have to maintain this for two months! I don't know how I'm going to last.

I thought I'd be all right, but then I was introduced to long distance running, and now my whole being is filled with dread and pain and doubt. And now I've developed a disgusting cough, that makes my whole body tremble, aching my already sore abs. Everything hurts! I'm super miserable right now. I constantly wonder what is the point of being "healthy" when it takes so much joy out your life. What's the point of having awesome abs when you can't enjoy food? Maybe I'm just being extremely pessimistic. I do have a habit of doing that. They say the first two weeks is very hard.

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