How do you react?

I think I'm going to New York at the end of October. Well, I technically won't be in New York City, but New Jersey, which, in a way, is kind of disappointing. However, the reason I am going to New York is because my grandfather has lung cancer and my dad wants to visit him. I think originally he wanted to go with my mum but I have a feeling he'd rather go with me because my english is better. Mum jokes it's because my grandfather likes me the best. That's probably partially true considering I am his fist grandchild.

All that aside though, I'm pretty OK with everything at the moment. I had my cry. I'm fine. I'm more worried about my dad. He hasn't seen his dad for years and I when I think about him being upset, I end up feeling very upset too. I think my crying has been 30% concerned about my grandfather and 70% concerned about my dad. I wonder if that's the wrong way to feel. I'm concerned about my grandfather - there is no question about that - but I'm closer with my father. I rarely see him vulnerable and I guess, it's alarming when strong people are vulnerable.

Even though the reason for this trip is awful, I can't help but think about all the touristy things I might get to do. For example, visit Harlem and eat at a legit diner like the one that was featured on Masterchef (If you remember what that place was called, please let me know in the comment section). Plus pastrami sandwiches. And general closeness to things like Forever 21, H&M etc.

God, am I an awful person to be thinking about these things when my grandfather is very sick? I feel like I shouldn't be thinking about shopping and food. I feel like I should be openly weeping or something, but I can't. I suppose I should just feel what I feel, not what I am supposed to feel. It's like when you don't react to the way society wants you to react, it makes you a bad person. I think that's unfair.

Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. I hope everyone has a good week. I'll be posting more frequently (hopefully) to practice for the Fringe Festival. The Buzz Cuts workshop was really good. Speakers were Richard Watts, John Bailey and Mel Campbell. They were all great and encouraged us to start and keep writing. I think I'll be writing 2 reviews a week just for practice. Suggestions for things to review are welcomed.

Have a good week.