Saturday, July 24, 2010

Let me know what spring is like on jupiter and mars

I'm feeling a bit lost at the moment, but I suppose I'm lost in a the best possible of way. To be honest, while it's terrifying that we have so much to do at the moment, I am, overall, very excited. I feel like at the moment I'm definite about what I want to do. Sort of. By that I just mean that I really want to pursue my idea for honours. I talked about it to my darling Emma and she seems to like it. She's the first person I've told about my ideas and I feel really... I don't know, positive about it.

I've mentioned it to people but I feel afraid to properly tell them exactly what my idea is because I know there will be eye rolling, especially when I mention Tegan and Sara, but the thing is, they have very little to do with it. My honours idea was inspired by something I observed at a Tegan and Sara concert. I've actually decided on a title for this film/script, and I feel like this is going to be rather good, even if it takes me 4 years to write it and another 3 to make it.

It's so odd. I remember when I was younger I wanted to be a film director and it wasn't until I started uni that I started to look at cinematography as an option because I didn't like how the director didn't have much say about how the shots we framed. Now I feel like I've done a 360 and have crawled my way back to the beginning; back to where I wanted to go. I don't want to suddenly say that I want to direct, because I don't think it's so black and white.

I suppose I feel separated from a film because all I need to do is make something beautiful, rather than tell a story. I think when I film, I'm filming the stories other people want to tell, and that's perfectly fine. But I'm not telling the stories I want to tell and it kind of sucks at times. I think this is why I feel odd at times, odd around the film types. I guess I felt a bit like an impersonator, because I should be more passionate about filming. But I can't just say I don't like filming either. I adore it too.

Perhaps we all need to do a bit of switching. Perhaps I am a fickle type of person. Tony Bennett once said to Oprah that when he's bored of singing he paints, and when he's bored of painting he sings. Maybe I'm just being like Tony Bennett.

He's a cool guy.

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