How to be a shit customer

1) Treat your sales assistant as an idiot

In the words of that semi-rotund fellow with a lovely speaking voice from Maid in Manhattan, "although we serve them, we are not their servants", 'their' being clients and customers. And that is something some customers don't seem to register. There are certain people, mostly women in their 40s who seem to stubbornly hold onto their youth, who think they we are supposed to kiss their asses. Go to fucking Louis Vuitton if you want that treatment. We're not going to give you discounts or special treatment just because you're rich. Fuck off and look in the mirror.

2) Ignore our refund/exchange policies

As sales assistants, we don't write our refund policies so don't fucking take it out on us when YOU have exceeded the 14 day refund policy. And seriously, don't expect us to refund shit that has been a month over the purchase date. Don't kick up a fuss and make us feel like an idiot because you, dear old customer, are the one that is trying to cheat our system. By thinking you can get away with forcing us to give you refunds, you make us feel like idiots and to be polite, if we weren't working we would kindly flip some sort of bird at you because you fucking deserve it.

3) Saying no to charity donations

I would respect you more if you simply said, "No thanks" to buying a charity item. I cannot stand people who say, "sorry I donate a lot to charity already". I don't fucking care if you don't donate to charity; I'm just doing my fucking job. And what give syou the right to believe that you have donated enough to charity? As a fellow colleague said, "has poverty ended?". Just say no if you don't want a charity bag; don't justify your reasons for not wanting one because that's when it seems suss. And for the record, if one more customer scoffs in my face because he/she cannot believe the audacity I have to even ask them if they want to donate money to charity, I will strangle you with my lanyard. We are not idiots and you are very rude to think that we are, bastard.

4) Mess up our beautifully folded polos and t-shirts

Being a folder of clothes, you cannot believe how long it takes to make things beautiful, especially when you have about 50 of these pesky polos to fold, which all need uniform thickness and width. Don't fucking mess them up by pulling a polo from the middle of the pile. IT RUINS IT AND WE HAVE TO START AGAIN! It's not hard to pick something up, put it down next to something else, take out the polo you need, and put back the rest of them. It really isn't that hard. And if you can't be arsed doing that, us sales assistants are MORE THAN HAPPY to help you look for sizes. Trust me. Just ask us for help.

5) Misplacing items

Don't put a skirt in the singlet rack. Is it so hard to just put it back in its original spot? You were there to get that item, just put it back. Or alternatively hand it over to a sales assistant to put it back for you. And don't fucking walk away from clothing that has fallen off its hanger due to something you did. It's despicable. Give it to one of us if you can't be fucked putting it away. Just don't leave it there.

6) Using our change rooms as rubbish bins

Don't put your coffee cups or juice cartons in our change rooms. It's not a bin. AND DON'T SPIT GUM IN OUR CHANGE ROOMS! Do you know how disgusting that is? It's so foul! And same goes with band aids. We are not a rubbish dump.

7) Sticking the wrong price tags on our items

If you are doing this in a chain store, it just proves just how fucking desperate you are. I've had some horrible woman yell at me because this dress she wanted to buy was supposedly $12.50 (and it wasn't and someone stuck the wrong sticker on it). I tried to explain it to her that it wasn't and she said she was going to sue me because she was a fucking lawyer. While I understand retail law on a very basic level, if she was such a hot shot lawyer she's be able to afford the dress at its full price (probably about $19.95). Plus don't lose your fucking temper at me. It's customers like you who make me want to either strangle you or kill myself. A bit of respect would be nice.

So to shit customers out there, be a dick elsewhere. At the end of the day, we're just doing our job.